


After Wonpil

by rosetintmyworld



Series: Secrets Best Kept [8]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 04:20:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13227957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosetintmyworld/pseuds/rosetintmyworld
Summary: Sungjin would do anything to make Wonpil stay.





	After Wonpil

**Author's Note:**

> This is a coda to chapter 4 of Wonpil's Secret.

I held his hands in mine, caressing his slim fingers. 

They were pale and cold, standing out against the blanket.

“Hey, hey, look at me, look at me,” I whispered, and his eyes flickered to mine. 

“Hyung- I just- he’s still here, he’s still in my head, no matter what I do, I just wanted to get rid of him, get rid of that part of me,” He whispered and I hugged him close to him.

“I know, but it’ll get better, it’ll get better Pil-ah, I promise,” I whispered and he nodded, leaning into my shoulder. 

“I just- I wish it hadn’t- I wish I hadn’t let him do that, I wish it were you who did it instead, hyung,” He whispered and I frown at him. 

“Don’t- Don’t say that, Jeez, I would- I would never hurt you like that,” I hissed and he shrunk into himself. 

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean it like that, I just-” He looked down at our hands, and I let my eyes trail up his pale wrists to the sleeves of the hospital gown he was wearing.

He had IV’s in his wrist and it made my jaw clench at the thought of what could have happened, what he was going to do. 

I couldn’t get that out of my mind, the thought of what JYP had done to the boy, even when he wasn’t here, what he was still doing to the boy. Wonpil was with me now, but he was still haunted, still hurt by the man, and I didn’t- I didn’t know what I could do about it, I just wanted to make him better. 

I wanted him to be okay. 

I needed him to be okay. 

“Don’t ever do something like that again, do you hear me? Don’t ever scare me like that again,” I breathed.

He hummed, his fingers moving limply in my hand.

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” He whispered and I pushed his hair out of his face. 

“Don’t be- don’t be sorry pil-ah, I should have- I should have been there for you, I should have done something,” I whispered. 

“You did, you did a lot for me, I’m just- I’m just broken,” He whispered and I shook my head.

“You’re not- you’re not broken Wonpil I promise, you’re not broken,” I whispered and he looked to the side. 

He didn’t believe me, and I knew that no matter what I said, there was little I could do to make him believe me, to make him trust me.

I would do anything for Wonpil now, I knew that deep in my heart.

Then again, I knew that when the news broke, I knew that I would be with him until the end, that I wouldn’t let him be alone. 

I was the leader, and the boys were my family. I would do whatever I could to protect them. I just hadn’t thought I’d have to protect them from this. I didn’t think I’d have to protect Wonpil like this.

I’d let him down for so long, I’d do anything now to fix that. 

“I read your letters,” I whispered, and he looked down at the sheets. 

“I’m sorry, I should have- I should have left something better than a bunch of botched letters,” He explained and I shook my head.

“There was one, one I didn’t understand pil-ah, you said you loved me. You love me,” I whispered and he pulled his hand away. 

“I know,” He whispered. His voice was so small, like he didn’t want to intrude on something, like he didn’t want to impose. I gripped his hand again, not letting his fingers slip through my grasp.

“Why- why would you say that?” I asked and he bit his lip.

“Because it was true.”

“If you loved me, why’d you try to leave me?” I asked him and he looked up, his eyes suddenly clear. 

“Because, you didn’t love me, and I was holding you back. I couldn’t- I can’t cope, but you- you still have so much. you’re going to meet a girl, and you’re going to fall in love, and I’ll always be Kim Wonpil, the pervert who fucked JYP. In the end, I’ll always be on my knees, staring up at that camera, I’ll still be under that desk with his dick in my mouth. That’s all I’ll ever be and I’d rather be nothing than be that anymore.”

“No, that’s not- you’ll find love, you’ll find someone someday,” I whispered and he shook my head. 

“No I won’t, because I loved you hyung. and it’s not your fault, it’s not your fault,” he stressed and I shook my head. 

“It is my fault. I’m sorry- I’m sorry I didn’t stop him, I’m sorry I couldn’t stop those thoughts in your head. But I’ll try. I’ll try if you stay Wonpil. I’ll learn to love you, if you don’t leave me. Just don’t leave me,” I begged and he looked down at his lap where our hands were still intertwined. He knew it wasn’t the truth, and I knew it too. There was nothing I could do about my feelings. I could try, I could try to love him, I could stay, I could try to be what he needed but in the end, it would never be enough. I would never be able to love Wonpil in the way he needed, I’d never be able to give him that. 

I’d never be enough for him to stay, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“‘msorry,” He muttered.

“Don’t be sorry- just- Wonpil you stay with me,” I whimpered.

 

I sat up in bed, my heart heavy. 

I had tears running down my face. I wiped them away, trying to reorient myself.

“Honey, are you okay?” I heard my mother call and I turned the lamp by my bed.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I panted out, pushing my hands through my hair. 

I flopped back on my back and stared at the ceiling, wishing I could stop having those dreams. It seemed like my sleep was being plagued by those thoughts, about not being enough and it wouldn't stop. I couldn't save him.

There was nothing I could do about it though, because in the end it was just a dream.

I was back home at my parents home and Wonpil was-

Wonpil was still gone. 

**Author's Note:**

> So... This is the end of the series. Uh, this whole dream sequence is something made up in Sungjin's head to try to cope. Thank you for reading this series.


End file.
